The only thing constant in life is change, and it is inevitable.
Patience has never been one of my strongest points; what I understood or grasped quickly, I also expected others to do so. However in life, expectations only lead to frustration and ultimately disappointment or a disagreement. I used to think people would treat me the same way I treated them, but that is also a form of expectation. And to people who did not treat me too kindly, I would return the favor. That never made me happy, treating people the way they treated me.. so I've decided to just live my life the kind way.
There was a point in my life when I was non-chalant, light-hearted.. even when facing a difficult friend, but along the way the positive energy disappeared, and it turned mean and so filled with negative energy. It had been going on for years, but I only wrote about it months ago, and I'm happy to say that I'm back to my old "see-the-best-in-people" self.
Everyone has their insecurities, battling their own demons.. what they do and how they treat me isn't necessarily a reflection of how I treat them. It is merely their own perception of things and not of the person in essence.
I've rekindled really old friendships, one whom I've come to know has been holding back a great deal of regret and pain from things they had done years ago. Even when the rest of the world have moved on, if you never forgive yourself.. you will never be happy with what you are/have now. I used to find this friend so insensitive and overly-critical of everything and everyone but in hindsight, it was actually a ruse to cover their own insecurities. I was so surprised to find the tone of sarcasm and rudeness all gone, and replaced with kind words. People really do change, even the ones you thought would never.
I have learnt to pay attention to what people do and how they act; instead of what they say or tell me. Less lip service, more action please. Also, what people think of me, is none of my business. Everyone is entitled to their own thoughts and opinions.
I do have a confession to make, which has been bugging me for the past year or so..
Dear XXX, what I (or rather, we) did those many years ago still traumatizes you a little until today, and you never knew it was us. I am unable to apologize without complicating the other person involved but if you've already received an apology from that end, I would like to extend mine here. Do not mistaken my inability to apologize in person for cowardice. It happened so long ago, plus given today's circumstances.. there is no reason to bring it up. Just me clearing a guilty conscience.
I will be starting 2014 on a fresh slate, one filled with kindness (or so I hope!) and loving thoughts.
Work wise, it has been one of the most challenging but rewarding experiences.. I was thrown into the deep end of the pool, left to find my own way out, and I am glad to say that things are going excellent for me. I'll just say that this Christmas, I have been given theeeee bestttttt present.
Could not have asked for a better year, I've did most of what I set out to do for 2013, read more, spend less.. I was not able to do any service work this year but I would like to make time for that in 2014.
Hopefully everyone did their best in 2013, and let's make 2014 even better!