Infact, I don't even feel a thing.
It's a good thing.
I remember a time when I only saw the light in everyone, even those who had hurt me or who shared different opinions/values. Somewhere along the way, I lost the energy to look at the light.. choosing to focus instead on their flaws and faults (to me). It was easier. Easier to say mean things and laugh it off rather than seeing the good in the person.
It wasn't always like that. Or rather, I, wasn't always like that. I can't take back the things I've said or made fun of but I can choose to light the flame I once saw in everyone.
When I was around 20, I wrote something along these lines describing myself in Facebook:
"I have strong opinions which may come across differently to people who dont know me well.
I still have strong opinions, but I never meant that other people couldn't have one.
Even to people who know me (well), it still comes across wrong. I don't expect people to understand anymore.
I am judgmental and have a sharp tongue but I value trust and honesty above all.
The word "judgmental" isn't as harsh as it sounds, as I believe no one can truly judge you unless you accept it or believe it to be true yourself. Then you have nothing to be offended about.
I still have a sharp tongue. And I still value trust and honesty. Above all.
I find it hard to let go of things which I love- be it material or relationships but once I do, I won't remember why I wanted it in the first place."
This still rings true, but it gets easier to let go. The memories of how I felt will always remain, but the people who were in the moment inevitably fade away.
It has been 7 years since. This was, is, and will always be me.
I will light the flame for no one but me to appreciate. If you happen to see the light too, then let's enjoy the view together.
I understand who I am and what I am.
Even if you don't believe or understand my truth, I still love you (all) the same.
There are those who are just like me in essence, and I am consoled knowing that it is okay to be different.