Monday, May 27, 2013


I rarely share my private thoughts here but sometimes even after talking about it to the relevant party, it doesn't change or clear up the situation.

If anything, it makes it even more complicated as the person brings in even more issues which were never part of the topic discussed.

So I am taking a step back to see what I could have said to trigger a chain of hurtful words being thrown my way; which includes- "I always let it slide", "why must you force me", "this is not the first time you've misunderstood me", and "you always think you're right" among other things.

Honesty to me is being able to speak and act sincerely and truthfully, despite what others may think. Of course, I am not referring to malicious words and things which you say without thinking. Everyone has an opinion, some, stronger than others.

More often than not, the truth hurts. The thing with me is, I can be passionately optimistic about something if I want to. Keyword: IF. Once I get tired of the same situation playing over and over again, rational and logical Xen comes out to play. This is the character that quite a few people can't handle. Once I start, the things I say will definitely hit some nerves because most of the time, they are the things which linger at the back of their minds, or so logical that it could be true but people do not want to hear. I refuse to sugar-coat, I refuse to empathize because I've had enough of it.

I would never say anything to hurt someone intentionally, so using the same logic, it must mean that the person who said those words to me above must have meant it to a certain degree. To the person, it looks as if I am completely narcissistic, self-absorbed, and close-minded. Traits which I would not like to be associated with.

Telling me I possess these traits is not as hurtful as finding out you actually had these thoughts about me.

I have re-read our conversation a few times, and each time I see the same thing- you lashing out at me, defending yourself and your actions, turning the topic unto me instead, and lastly saying you wanted peace all along. Perhaps I am so upset that I failed to see where the kind, peaceful talk was. For that, I will apologize for not seeing your true intention.

Everything has its cause and effect, choice and consequence.

This may very well be the consequence of a choice made to be too honest with my feelings.


Thoughts on heated discussions:
Put across your thought constructively. Establish what made you upset and how it could have been avoided.

Take what is being said as constructive criticism. The only reason someone is telling you what they feel about you is because 1) they feel they are close enough to do so 2) they trust you to fix the situation together. 

When attempting to explain a situation, refrain from insulting or questioning others when you do so. No one is on trial here, if you don't feel like talking just say so and tell them you will get back to them.

Walking away is a big no-no. It shows disrespect and how cowardly you are. (Unless you are the violent kind then yes please walk away before you hurt someone or yourself).

If one has decided to let it go and not to talk about it then, don't bring it up and talk about it now. (especially not in the middle of another discussion).

Do not claim to treat everyone the same when it is obviously not the same. Also, don't get offended when people point it out. Take it as a reminder to get your shit together and give people the same respect.

No one likes a finger-pointer. Own up to your mistakes and the part you played in the situation which unraveled. Don't try to make excuses and cover things up. In other words: suck it up, and apologize (sincerely).

If no one wants to own up, then you are definitely better off without each other.


We already live in a crazy world, we don't need more madness around.